Wine Culture is Robbing You

I know bold statement! That’s what I do be bold. So here it goes…..wine culture is robbing women of the things we truly need self care, community, honesty, and true friendship. I in no way hate wine or women who are able to drink it, and I loathe mom shaming of any type. What I do want is for women to take a good look at the role wine plays in your socialization, friendships, and mental health. Are there days when you ask  a friend over for wine time, when what you really want is to know you aren’t alone? Do you have friendships that revolve around wine time and could never be replaced with gym time? Do you reach for a glass of wine after a stressful day when meditation would be a better option (and fewer calories)? These are all good questions to ask yourself, especially if you feel wine time is happening more than you like, or becoming unmanageable.

So how is wine culture exactly robbing you? As for wine being self care and being portrayed as self care you are being robbed of the joys of actually finding hobbies, routines, and peace that a bottle of wine won’t do. Self care should not come with a hangover, shame, or neglecting your health. I like to paint and proudly can say I earned an art scholarship. The cathartic release and enjoyment from painting is magical even if you absolutely suck at painting. Wine and paint nights have crept into our lives. After working a job where I sold marketing to Wine parties, I can say they want you to buy wine, they are not there to make you a better person, discover your inner Picaso, or help you create a hobby, but to sell you wine!! If you take the wine out there is no revenue. What are you left with? Some sloppy painting of a stupid flower, $60 less in your bank account and a hangover. Then said hangover makes you grumpy and anxious, plus doubt you will make it to yoga with a splitting headache. Ugh wine cultures is even creeping into yoga!!! but lets get back on topic. Wine is not self care!

How is wine culture affecting community? Well get sober and you will find out. What I thought was a once flourishing social life came to a screeching halt. Despite my amazing sense of humor, fun personality, and ability to dance like no ones looking, the second wine was out of the equation for me so was community. So take a second and think how many of your “friendships” are based on wine time or boozy brunches? So yes early sobriety and current sobriety can get lonely. I was lucky enough to have my best friend one floor above me and our morning ritual of 9 am gym time saved me. What I learned is that friendships and community are not built on wine but on common ground and honest discussion. Yes we still vent about our boyfriends, laugh, make stupid jokes, and confide in each other. We as women need community its what makes the trials and tribulations of womanhood bearable and wine culture is exploiting that, and we as a society are buying the concept. This is where I ask, do you have community outside of wine time?

How is wine culture affecting honesty? In my journey of sobriety I have had to learn to just say what I need or how I feel. I can say “Hey, I’ve been very down lately and could use a friend.” Before sobriety it was “Hey wanna grab a drink?” “I got a new bottle of wine I wanna try”. Here is the problem, sure if you are an emotionally stable person and really just wanna have a drink that’s fine. But as someone who has battled depression for years, masked by drinking, I should have said “I am lonely and need a friend” “I have been crying for 3 days I don’t know what to do” “My anxiety is high and I could use a hand with the kids”….. Once wine time comes into play it’s easy to feel good for a minute, but it’s also easy to miss signs of addiction, depression, or anxiety. People will say, “I never thought she was an alcoholic”, or when someone commits suicide (which is more likely when drinking or with a hangover) they will say “She was always happy”. Nope you just always saw her drunk! True friendship flourishes with honesty. My best friend of 15 years we have learned this as we are maintaining a friendship 13 hours apart. We couldn’t wine time if we wanted to, but we are honest, brutally honest with each other on our needs. I wish everyone had a person they could just bluntly say I need a hug, I need to vent, or I need to hear a funny story, without involving wine.

In summation, please take a step back and really look at how wine culture plays a role in your life. Are your basic needs being met? How do you feel the next day? Are your friendships solid or wine based? Do you find yourself unable to control how much wine you drink? Do you have a friend you are concerned about? Could you cut back? Would your friends join you for a wine free activity? I implore everyone to take a minute and ask yourself is wine culture truly benefiting me?  Oh and if anyone just wants to paint without the wine let me know!!!

 

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